Monday, 22 April 2013

Adanna apparel

This African material, square-cut, Adanna shirt was designed and made by me :) 

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Part of the journey

This morning I wrote:
I want to apologize if you found my previous post offending. In my poem I said that I some times feel being white is a curse. By saying that I do not mean I despise it. I only mean that the path God placed me on is not easy. But me being white is a blessing. And a privilege. Because there's now way I could make the difference I believe I am making if I were black.
I don't take back what I said because I meant it and it's part of my learning journey.
Tonight night all of the above was confirmed...
I just go into a lift. And there was this Indian man. It was just the two of us and he asked me where I come from. I said Piet Retief. Then he asked where I study. I told him I'm not studying yet. He said I should stay in Mpumalanga because he is a scientists and he says KZN is not going to last. It is becoming black. He says he gives it ten years time. Then he ends by saying "the blacks should be killed". He gets out. It felt like the earth gave way beneath me. I cried. Then I realized I'm so over it.
At least I can now rest assured knowing #1 I'm fighting a worthy cause #2 God made me who I am for a reason #3 I'm gonna leave one hell of a legacy behind one day.

Friday, 5 April 2013

Is jy n man of n muis?

I walk down the street
I see white white white black white white
Heading down-town white fades to black
Black black black is what I see
Glancing into the window of a salon I am met by a face
White as snow
She must surely be out of place

I trace the face back to the reflection of a hand which becomes my arm which becomes my body... by being
How is it that I find myself in this part of town?
Where the beat of life’s realistic tunes fill the air
Hunger and corruption
But more
You see life is not always greener on my side.
I want to walk wherever I please
But the colour of my skin refuses to release me
Damn it, I said release me
Please free me!

Now don’t get me wrong
I adore my fair complexion
And the heritage
Even though it lacks perfection
But why should it hold me back...
Is it because I’m not black?

I know racism like few people do
Hard to believe since I’m not disadvantaged
But that’s just the thing
I am.
I am because I need to watch where I go
Cause I don’t blend in
I don’t blend in to the surroundings that attract me
That calls me
“Come see! Come see! Come see what we have on the ‘dark’ side!”
I know the situation is more complex than contrasting complexions
But I want to walk where I want to walk
I want to be who I want to be

Black black black black
I am white
Where it’s black
Sometimes I feel me being white is a curse.
O! Did I just say that?
Forgive me

Society better eat my dust
As I run the different race
Ek vra myself:
Is ek n man of n muis?

I look at your face and then at our fingerers...interlaced
Black white black white
Do you want to do this with me? 
Do you want to be the change with me?
Do you want to throw it in this world’s face?
As we run this different race I ask you
 “Is jy n man of n muis?”

Another post about being white...

If you want to judge me... wait in line with all the other people. I'm about to say whats on my heart.  

Two years ago I went to Landbou. Wian, Jodan and I were setting out on a different path going to a new school... Well you probably know the rest.
Today I was sitting with my dad. We were discussing whether or not I should go to this poetry session tomorrow on Morningside, Durban. Now you see I’ll probably be the only white girl. Let’s face the facts that I won’t necessarily be very safe. I don’t know the location and I only know two of the people who will be there. Not that I don’t trust the people who are going but I don’t want to be put in a position if I am not ready to handle it. I’ll have no one tell me that it’s not a big deal.  

Talking to my dad I wanted to cry. He was saying that he doesn't want to leave me there alone because he doesn't know the people. Which I understand. And i know my dad would never keep me from something that will let me grow. But he said if I feel i want and need to go he will let me.  So the decision is on me. And i want to go so badly. But is the timing right?

Going to Landbou I always had my brother and also Jodan. I always felt safe knowing my brother has one eye on me permanently. And going to Landbou was a “dream” we shared even though high school is not something you choose. Now, however life has changed. Jodan is in another city and Wian does not necessarily have the same dreams as I do. Meaning he won’t always be there and I am definitely not going to force him to be there. So now I’m on my own. And it’s scary as hell.

I told my dad it’s as if i need to choose between two groups of people. Pardon me for saying this but its either a group of white people or black people. In the first place I shouldn't have to choose – but that’s the sad reality of this world. It’s shocking to see how little “mixed” groups of people there are when you look outside of the “safe environment of the church”.

Now i believe in diversity and I want to go tomorrow. Someone has got to give, if I can put it that way. If we want to see black people and white people together there has to be that one person who will dare to be the first. Is that my role? Is it? Is it not? How on earth do I do this on my own? I feel so vulnerable.

Sometimes I think it would've been so much easier had i been a man. This thing about me not knowing whether i should go tomorrow bugs me so much because it is so much bigger than just tomorrow. I want to travel through Africa one day. And right now it’s just stupid to think you’ll be safe travelling alone as a woman through Africa.  How do my dreams fit into the reality?

I’m so frustrated. This just seems so much bigger than me.

Am I suppose to be the pioneer or is the timing wrong and should it be left for another day?

All of the above is what inspired me to write the poem: Man of Muis. Click here to read it.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

I have dibs!

This is my beautiful model... And I have dibs :) In fact, Kimmie, when are you in town again, let me know so that we can sign that contract! ;)

In the Soybeans on a sunny day...

Kimbeleigh Becker - jou pragtige vroumens! Dankie! x

Soul Food on Home Soil vol.2

One of 2013's highlights so far... Oh! Horse-apples! IT IS THE HIGHLIGHT. In fact that whole week was.

I Visited my brother in Vryheid some time in March. And somehow managed to assemble all of my friends for the weekend :). Zesu, Mandaba, Michelle, Sbo and of course the men were all there [;)] !

The reason we all came on that particular week was because it was Soul Food on Home Soil vol.2 that weekend. It is an open mic poetry and music session.  All I'll say is: If you were not there you missed out! These artists write poetry that will make you weep!

I recited one of my own poems as well. It was the start and the end of my performing career. Ill write, but not perform :) I can honestly say I've tried. And I can tick it off of my bucket list!

Here are some photographs...

Here is my Poem:

"I long for the woman in me.
To write on heart with words – unconditional, unconventional.
To paint portraits of you and me
In contrasting colours of our skins,
Capturing the moment in monochromes.
To strive for beauty
And stride with submissive authority.
To design with meaning
And everlasting durability.
To cry tears on behalf of my people,
Cause people are people
And people make mistakes.
I ask forgiveness for their sakes.

I long for the man.
The man who lives from the soil
And drinks from the spring.
Who gives back to the land
And does labour with his own two hands.
The man who will find contentment -
In the everyday rise of the sun
The smile of his young
The words of his mother tong.
The man who will not complete me,
But compliment me.
The man who will not be my other half,
But my other whole.
The man I’ll love with my whole heart
And soul.

I long for Africa.
Fro her to talk to me in patterns
And wrap me in her fabrics.
For her to sing her sad song
And teach me how to dance.
For her to wipe my tears
And take away my fears. 

I long...
For I HAVE tasted.

Land of love, will you let me in?"

Here are the posters that I designed:

Keep an eye on my blog and I'll notify you about volume 3!

10th of Nisan

I'm not going to try and describe that day with words... These should give you an idea of what I felt that day:
Oom Graham - A mentor, an inspiration and a GREAT storyteller . May God bless you Uncle Graham.

May I add that this photograph was taken without a camera lense...