When having no inspiration becomes your only inspiration. That’s where I am right now. Inspiration less. And it sucks.
I feel rude. I’m nasty to everyone – or at least it feels that way. I guess a part of why I feel this way might be because next year was my shining beacon. Right now though it feels like a dark place. In these two years of being in Landbou I have achieved more than ever. I started blogging. I started the newspaper. I wrote poems. I can’t recall anything that major I achieved while home-schooling. I might be melodramatic, but bear with me. I’m scared that by going into 2013 is like going into a lonely non-inspiring hazardous zone.
This weekend I’m staying in the hostel. This is my last weekend here. I’m feeling pressure of saying goodbye. I’m ready to do so, but lately I haven’t been the person that I want everyone to remember. I pushed away ‘friends’ and it’s ridiculous how I now feel a need to approach them with empty apologies, when they were not even there for me. Say sorry for what? I almost chased someone out of my room for reading a book. How absurd is that?
So am I ready to move on? Yes.
Am I ready for next year? I think so.
Am I in need of ice-cream and a box of tissues? Definitely.
Ok well I’m writing my last paper on Monday. After that I hope to go home and find a silver lining to my cloud. This coud is a very strange, spiraling, tornado meets Chuck Norris cloud.
HAPPY thoughts Berna, Happy thoughts.
Oh by the way what contributed to this mood might also be my strange music (new music thanks to Wian) A band that goes by the name Daughter.