Looking into Vensters

I slept at 1:05 this morning. Only to wake up at 7:30. I tried to go back to sleep, but as soon as I wake up my heart beats faster, I get uneasy and I start feeling out of place and nervous. It's the weirdest thing because I know I'm OK, but my head doesn't want to switch off.

I'm am now tired of not sleeping well.

Moving on... Last night i was at MAD (square)'s Vensters.

I know people enjoyed it and I know it's for a good cause and I know a lot of prep and labour went into the night's performances and stalls, but from where I stood the night left me wanting. I can blab on about the performances and so on, but what really got to me is that you can be in the middle of the biggest crowd, and still feel lonely as hell. I wondered past all these people and all I kept thinking was that I'd much rather be sitting around a bonfire with a few close friends. I felt lost and alone.

I guess it's good that i can form an objective opinion on varsity life from the side lines. That way I'm not commited to stay here for the next few years. But at the same time I'm not a part of it, so my opinion comes from a lonely, sad place.

I don't want to sound so hopeless but all I want today is to be in my Dad's house and in my Mother's arms. I just want to feel like I belong.